even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
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Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
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I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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