Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I think my vagina is haunted
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
did i just pee glitter
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
