It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I deserve this hangover.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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