I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
