that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
