its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Randomize
