Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
