piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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