i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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