you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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