you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
