my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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