thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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