she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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