He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
