I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
These tits shall not be calmed
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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