We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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