Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
