and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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