If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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