I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
