shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Never underestimate the power of titties
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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