Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
