If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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