i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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