Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
