When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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