Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
