I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
