I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
