I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
