You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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