I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
