Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
