Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize