p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
