I think I am morally bankrupt
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
