dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
a search helicopter?!
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
