Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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