a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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