I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
