You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
