fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.