Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?