cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize