Me. At least after what I've been through.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
