Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
