Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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