Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
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No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Just puked most of my soul out..
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize