I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
