how can u be prego again
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
