today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
