I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
The ass gains better be worth it
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