someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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