so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
