He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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