No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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