found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
