What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
