Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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