I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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