update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
