i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
