I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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