My room smells like vodka and shame
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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