went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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