that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
