I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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