woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The chlamydia really affected his face.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
