Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
it was like eating out sand paper
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
dude. I can hear the air.
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