Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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