lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
