I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Ketchup is God's man juice
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
We had to coat check the pizza.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
