ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
