If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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