Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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