That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
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Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
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Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin