Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.