she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
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How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
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That accounts for only three of the penises
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?