Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!