I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
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Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.