Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
