I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
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The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
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His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
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