I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Holy sore nipples Batman
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
