So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
