Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
