You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
