no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
