so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
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