Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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