i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
